The true story of Dick Whittington!

Poor Dick, run out of his village for putting his penis in the local nutters wife, heads, with his trusty cat Dom, to the big city of London to seek a better future, he has never seen Eastenders!

Seeking employment as a security guard Dick at the Alderman Fitztightly store Dick comes to the attention of the nasty pimp, King Rat!

Dick’s journey aided by Dame Betty Swallocks, her stupid son Jack and Fairy of the Bellend, will see him travel far across the seas to seek his fortune.

Will Dick be able to save the Alderman’s business and also win the hand of the beautiful Alice Fitztightly, will King Rat be defeated or will his plans of opening the city’s biggest brothel prevail?